October Love

October is my favorite month! I love everything about it!!

My reasons for October love:

*Pumpkins, pumpkins and more pumpkins!*

*Caramel Apples*

*The leaves change to beautiful colors*

* Ravens Football (and for those of you who know me personally, know that this is a new like!)*

*Hot Coffee on a cold day*

*Hay rides & pumpkin farms*

* Sweatshirts & Jeans*

* The crisp clean air*

* Cuddling up in a blanket watching the Fall line up on TV or reading a book*

Fall is amazing and beautiful and serene. It is also the beginning of winter, the start of the holidays. I love this season and I can't believe we are already half way through October !

Slow down October and take your time, I'm not ready for winter just yet!

Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl- Madison Leigh!

At this time 7 years ago I was in labor impatiently awaiting the arrival of the brightest, craziest, sweetest diva there is! It was the moment my whole life changed....I became a mom! I can't believe that my baby is already 7 years old! Where have the years gone. On Oct 7, 2004 we welcome Madison Leigh born at 11:07am weighing 7lbs 7oz. I guess 7 must be her lucky number :)

Last year I wrote about her birth story, which I wont bore you with again but you can read that post here :) This post I will just tell you about her. Let's see....Madison has always been ahead in everything. She walked at 9mths and was talking sentences at 15 mths. She is very bright and loves school and reading. She will spend hours reading books. She is doing so well in school that her teacher has moved her up to 3rd grade work for reading. I have to say I am soooo proud of her. 

 Maddie is also very creative, and excels in anything she takes interest in. I mean of course I am always bias because she is my baby. She loves dancing.She takes ballet and tap and loves it but even more so she loves to just be silly and dance around the house. She loves singing and although she is shy to sing in front of people, once she warms up, you can't get her to stop! This girl is constantly singing around the house and if you turn on the camera forget it, it's totally 'The Madison Show!' She is quite the little diva and a serious drama queen....I can't imagine where she gets that from. I have to say she may have an acting career in her future, or maybe a doctor, or a teacher. Whatever she decides I will always be the luckiest mom in the whole world because I get to call her mine :)

              Madison, 

My whole life changed the minute I held you in my arms for the very first time. It was the moment I became a mom, and even more then that...your mom. I was filled with so much love in that moment and I am so lucky to be your mommy and I am so proud of you. You are beautiful and funny and silly and I love every moment that I get to share with you. You are such an amazing little girl. I have been so blessed and I thank God every day that he chose me to be your mommy!  I love you more then words can say and I hope you have a great birthday!

Love always,

Mommy

Of course I must share some "over the years pics":

1 year old

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old with Caden

5 years old

6 years old

Now

Autumn

The wind is blowing, the heat is on, time to break out the jackets and long sleeve. For today anyway. Three days ago it was 80*, yesterday and today it was 50*. Burrrrr! What happened to Fall? It went right from Summer to Winter overnight....literally. However, tomorrow it's suppose to be 75. Who knows...I just wish Mother Nature would make up her mind!

All I know is I love Autumn and all things Fall. 

Moving on.....we have some really exciting things going on with us. As you can see I have a new layout...which I adore! My small online business selling my craft things is picking up....check it out here on etsy, Flutterbug Boutique , or my fan page on Facebook . I am also hoping to get a DIY blog up and running soon with tutorials and showcasing some of my craft stuff. I'm just not sure of what direction to take it. Any and all suggestions are welcomed! As for everything else, the monsters are doing well....loving school, soccer, dance, Girl Scouts, gymnastics and everything else that keeps them busy. Maddie's birthday is coming up on Friday. I can't believe she is already 7...time is going way to fast! *tear*

Happy Fall everyone!

September 11, 2001- We Will Never Forget!

Ten years ago today at 8:46am the whole world changed. I was just starting my senior year of high school. We were warming up in dance class when the art teacher came running in and told us that a plane just hit the World Trade Center. We all  went next door to watch the TV's and see what was happening.  A few minutes later we watched as the second plane hit the second tower and we just stood there in shock. I remember hearing our teacher say we were under attack. Then an announcement was made and we were told to turn off TV's and radios, so we went back to our classroom in silence. None of us knew what to do or what to say so we just sat in a circle and cried and prayed. I think that was the very first and only time we prayed in school. I feel thankful that we were together in that class with Mrs. Rider because we were like a family. A little bit later my mom came to pick me up and we sat glued to the TV for the rest of the evening. I will never forget.

The devastation that took place day is incomprehensible. I was only 17 years old and although it effected me then, watching everything now, 10 years later, as a wife and a mother it is put in a completely different perspecitive. My heart aches for those who lost husbands, wives, and children. I mourn all of those innocent lives taken that day. There are no words to describe what I am feeling other then sadness.

I also feel grateful because although as a nation we were wounded, we came together and stood strong. Everyone at some point , in one way or another reached out to God. I have never in my life seen more patriotism and compassion in my life. People were helping strangers and everyone stood together as one. I am proud to be an American . And I feel blessed and thankful for everyday the Lord gives me.

To all of those who lost their lives on that horrific day, my you peacefully rest in the Lord's arms. To all of the heroes who risked their lives saving others, we thank you. To all of our service men who are still risking their lives for our freedom, we salute you. Thank you! And We Will Never Forget! 

First Day Of School

 Yesterday was Madison's first day of 1st grade! I can't believe she is already in first grade, where did the time go? She was so excited to finally start since it was delayed 2 days because of the storm. Caden went today for a confrence for gradual entrance for pre-k. PRE K! sheesh. He don't really start with class until next week but he was so excited to go today for an hour.

showing off his new backpack :)

My Heart Hurts

I try not to make my blog a woe is me type of thing, but my heart is heavy tonight. I wrote about this before, and I told myself I wouldn't write about it again but the topic is coming up more and more now. I thought I was healing and accepting the fact that I can't have another child but I guess I'm not. Or maybe this is just a set back, I don't know but my heart is aching tonight.No one understands the struggle I battle with, even my close friends don't understand they think I'm crazy to even want another baby. Truth is maybe I am, maybe I am crazy for wanting another child...so what? Even if no one understands me the truth of the matter is... the emptiness is still there.

Just as I started to move on, Leo says; while holding our 7 week old niece, I really want another baby. And there I went....my insides completely fell to pieces. It hurt me so bad, not that he even had an inclination that it had, but it was like a stab in my heart. I can't give that to my husband. The one thing he wants and I can't give that to him. Then tonight he randomly asks about a tubal reversal and the cost of it....and there went another pang. It absolutely kills me knowing that he wants another baby and I can't have anymore. He's always been the one saying we don't need another child, three is enough....so I think that's why it makes it that much harder. I keep praying, asking God to take this away but every time I start to come to terms with it something happens that shatters me, and I have to start all over again. When will it stop? I know people are thinking, stop complaining, you have 3 beautiful babies. They are absolutely right and I am so lucky to be their mommy, but I can't help feeling the longing that my family isn't complete. I will never again have a growing belly and feel that little miracle inside. I will never again feel the overwhelming joy of holding your brand new baby in your arms for the first time. And that makes me sad. For me and for my husband. That option was taken from me and it's something I can never get back.

I guess the only thing for me to do is continue to pray for healing and the will to move past this.

Earthquakes, Floods & Hurricanes....Oh MY!

Tuesday we experienced our first earthquake,or the first one that I can remember. We live in Baltimore, we never have extreme weather....at least until this week.

We were at the park when the earthquake happened. Just sitting under a pavilion with a friend talking while the kids played, and the whole pavilion started shaking. I thought it was the wind and when my friend said she thought it was an earthquake, my response was....."We don't have earthquakes in Baltimore." lol Little did I know. Of course the first thing I did was check facebook, and every single persons status said "Eathquake!" I honestly thought it was pretty cool but I'm glad we don't get them often. I'm sure people from the west coast thought all of us east coast folks were crazy, whining over a tremor like that, but in all fairness it was our first one.

Now here we sit a few days later waiting to be smashed by Hurricane Irene. It's suppose to start...well... NOW, but the wind is hardly blowing. It has been raining all day though. I'm ready for her, I went shopping 2 days ago for the essentials and I'm glad I did because as of yesterday afternoon all of the stores were empty! Of course, Leo has been making fun of me because I bought gallons of water and was on the hunt for batteries. If he keeps it up I wont let him hold the flashlight!

Everyone was sold out of batteries and flashlights except for a local drug store and they wanted FIVE DOLLARS for a pack of 2!! FIVE DOLLARS!!! That's just insane. Way to capitalize on a natural disaster! But thankfully Walmart got a shipment of flashlights in so I was able to get a pack of 2 flashlights with 4 D batteries for $3....well 2 packs lol. When I went in there were a huge pallet of about 40 boxes...when I left an hour later there were only 7 boxes left and the managers were handing them out. It was nuts! I'm anxious, but not too worried about it. I figured it's always better to be safe then sorry.

As for a place that hardly ever gets hit by a natural disaster, we are sure taking a beating....all in one week.