God's heart

The other day I was listening to the Christian station on the radio in my frantic search for a Jessie costume for Madison, when I heard Angie Smith speaking about loosing her daughter and how God has carried her through that trail. She is the wife of Todd Smith of Selah. For those of you who don't know who Selah is look them up, they are an amazing group.

So when I came home, I looked her up online and found her blog. Since then I have been reading her journey starting with her finding out that the baby she was caring was not going to make it. Of course I sat here in tears while reading it but as I was reading about her faith and how she looked to God even through the pain. I could feel God's love pouring out from her words. Her writing has touched me greatly and seeing that even though she was preparing for the loss of her baby she still praised him with everything that was in her. I cant explain the emotions that ran through me but I feel like my whole life has just been flipped. I had a real "God experience." I have always considered myself a Christian, even though I don't always act like it. But her words were so real. Her faith was so sincere and she was so honest.

I turned my sound on (I usually keep my laptop muted) to listen to a video that she had posted and a song that she had on her blog started to play. It was Bring The Rain by MercyMe. And I literally stopped. I don't know why but I stopped reading and closed my eyes and started to pray. I could hear God telling me "I know you have been feeling down and stressed, but I am here. I have always been here and through it all I will still be here" I could just feel His presence.

Now I will add that in no way am I going through anything like she has but for the past few days I have just been down. Physically and emotionally drained and my stress level has been through the roof, between dealing with the car situation (it was totaled) and the kids, I have checked out. But after reading all night I feel empowered. I feel empowered to make a difference in peoples lives and I am so excited for what is to come and what He has in store for me! On a side note, Leo and I have taken over the teen Sunday school class at our church and it has been very trying on me and we are in the process of adjusting to the kids (they are all inner city youth, and it's tough to get through to them.) But I believe more now then ever that this is my call and I am so excited to see what is to come of it!!

'The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.' Exodus 15:1-3

Fall is here...and I LOVE it!

I love this time of year. I love everything about it! The beautiful scenery, the smell, the pumpkin patches, the cool air. It's perfect! Saturday we went to The Land Of Promise Farm with our church and took the kids. It was beautiful riding up there in the woods. It was really cool because the kids could feed the goats and they just ran free. They had all kinds of animals that the kids were able to get close to, ducks, horses, bunnies, they used to have pigs and cows but for some reason they weren't around this time. The kids didn't care though they had fun. We went on a hayride, which Alanna was not so fond of at first.

 She cracked me up because she didn't want the hay touching her, but by the end of the ride she was playing in it and trying to eat it. After the hayride we picked pumpkins and the kids roasted marshmellows and ate hotdogs. mmmmmm. It was a good time, even though I was exhausted by the time we got home. It was a nice family outing though. Caden is going to another pumpkin farm tomorrow with his class so that should be a lot of fun!



My 2 favorite men!



Playing Catch up...



The Girls

 Well since I decided to post in honor of Madison's birthday last time, I guess I should catch up with everything that has been going on. Last Friday we had a slumber party for Maddie's birthday, which I was sure I was crazy for doing, but she had a blast. She had 5 girls stay and we did crafts and played freeze dance. I gave them makeup and let them paint each other's faces lol. They stayed up until 2am....which I don't think Madison has ever been up so late but needless to say they were up bright and early Saturday morning.

On Saturday, she had soccer pictures so I was to drop her off to Wes by noon. Well the girls were outside playing, and she tripped and fell, face first into the back steps and busted her nose. So she had a swollen face and 2 black eyes for not only her birthday party later that day, but also for her pictures. Poor baby. Anyway we had her party and she had a great time so that's all that matters.

Today we made our way to the MVA so Leo can take his driving test. We went on the 4th and we didn't have all of the info we needed so he had to reschedule....which ended in a lot of drama and a call to the supervisor. But today we went back and he was able to take the test and HE PASSED!! With a perfect score! I'm so proud. I knew he wouldn;t have any trouble but it's so nice for him to finally have his license. So that's our update for now, I will leave you with some of Madison Birthday pics.....

pinata

Here are a few pics from the other night when we baked cookies..... you can see how pretty her face looks..



The cookies we made and decorated



Madison Leigh....a few days late

 It's been a few weeks since I've updated here. So I am going to make this post all about Madison. Six years ago today was my due date for Miss Madison. But of course she decided to grace us early....but not on her own accord.


36 weeks



My Aunt sitting with me through the contractions



It was October 5th 2004, around 10pm and all of a sudden my blood pressure went up and I was taken to the hospital. After about an hour they informed me that I had pre eclampsia so I needed to be induced right away. I was taken from triage and into the L&D room to start the induction. I decided before that I wanted to go naturally...of course things never go according to plan. ha ha. After a about 9 hours I had finally dilated to 3 so they were able to break my water and up my pitocen. At this point I thought she was never going to come. She was stubborn...nothing has changed lol. My contractions were off the charts and yet nothing was happening. Thirty four hours later from the time I went in, I was still only 4 1/2 cms and the doctor came in and said it's time for a c-section. They were concerned because they thought in addition to the group B strep I had an infection and they were concerned for her. So I was prepped and taken into the OR. Madison Leigh was welcomed into the world on October 7,2004 at 11:07am weighing 7lbs, 7oz and 21in. long.

I only got to see her for a minute because she was rushed off to the NICU because they were worried about the infection spreading to her. Right after they took her away they knocked me out. (which later i found out was unnecessary) I was out for a while and when I woke up I had no idea what was going on. I barely remember seeing her when they took me in the NICU. I went to my room to recover and I wasn't able to see Madison again until the next morning. I was devastated. It was hard going back to your room without your baby being there with you. It was even harder to see her lying there in the NICU (the biggest  babythere) connected to all of the tubes and wires.I finally got to hold my angel the next morning (I held her briefly before I went to my room, but I was a little out of it from the drugs so I couldn't really see her) She was beautiful, and perfect! I was so lucky to have her. The following day she was finally allowed to come stay in the room with us. Since I had a c-section it was really hard for me to get around. Thankfully my mom was there with me the whole time. She was wonderful!

The First Time I got to Hold Her in The NICU

From This Moment On, I knew she was a ham!

I was released after 5 days and was admitted back after 2 days of being at home. It was horrible having to go back without my baby. My BP was way too high and they brought me back in to treat me. Luckily I didn't have to get the magnesium sulfate. I was finally able to go home after 2 days and be with my angel.

Now 6 years later, I look back and see how from the moment she was brought into my life, my whole world was changed for the better. She is such a brilliant child. Of course the stubbornness she had while entering the world , she has carried with her through these past 6 years. But she is so full of life and I wouldn't change one thing about her! She is brilliant. She loves to read, sing, and dance. And she is one heck of a soccer player! These have been the best 6 years of my life!

 How lucky I am to be her momma!