Tuesday, October 26, 2010

God's heart

The other day I was listening to the Christian station on the radio in my frantic search for a Jessie costume for Madison, when I heard Angie Smith speaking about loosing her daughter and how God has carried her through that trail. She is the wife of Todd Smith of Selah. For those of you who don't know who Selah is look them up, they are an amazing group.

So when I came home, I looked her up online and found her blog. Since then I have been reading her journey starting with her finding out that the baby she was caring was not going to make it. Of course I sat here in tears while reading it but as I was reading about her faith and how she looked to God even through the pain. I could feel God's love pouring out from her words. Her writing has touched me greatly and seeing that even though she was preparing for the loss of her baby she still praised him with everything that was in her. I cant explain the emotions that ran through me but I feel like my whole life has just been flipped. I had a real "God experience." I have always considered myself a Christian, even though I don't always act like it. But her words were so real. Her faith was so sincere and she was so honest.

I turned my sound on (I usually keep my laptop muted) to listen to a video that she had posted and a song that she had on her blog started to play. It was Bring The Rain by MercyMe. And I literally stopped. I don't know why but I stopped reading and closed my eyes and started to pray. I could hear God telling me "I know you have been feeling down and stressed, but I am here. I have always been here and through it all I will still be here" I could just feel His presence.

Now I will add that in no way am I going through anything like she has but for the past few days I have just been down. Physically and emotionally drained and my stress level has been through the roof, between dealing with the car situation (it was totaled) and the kids, I have checked out. But after reading all night I feel empowered. I feel empowered to make a difference in peoples lives and I am so excited for what is to come and what He has in store for me! On a side note, Leo and I have taken over the teen Sunday school class at our church and it has been very trying on me and we are in the process of adjusting to the kids (they are all inner city youth, and it's tough to get through to them.) But I believe more now then ever that this is my call and I am so excited to see what is to come of it!!

'The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.' Exodus 15:1-3


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