Sunday, January 30, 2011

Tis the season

For sickness.... We have all been fighting this for the past few weeks. Madison has had everything from a double ear infection to Strep throat. Now Caden has a ruptured infected ear drum, a viral infection on his face and an infected finger. And guess what....I woke up yesterday with Strep throat. Let just say, I don't handle it as well as Madison. The only thing I feel like doing in crawling in bed and sleeping. Which is exactly what I have done all day.

 I took myself to patient first today because I woke up and could hardly breathe because I felt like my throat was closing. One look and the doctor said "ew , that looks terrible. My guess is strep." sure enough that's exactly what it was. He gave me some antibiotics and told me to get the chloriaseptic spray to numb my throat. So I have been popping, pills (the antibiotic and ibuprofen) and spraying like crazy. And after a nice long afternoon nap, I am at least now able to swallow.  I hate this time of the year. I can't ever catch a break, if it's not the kids, it's Leo or I. Is it spring time yet??

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

21 Book Challenge for 2011

Last year I tried to read 20 books in 2010. I think I got to maybe 7. Being a stay home mom, doesn't exactly give me a whole lot of time to sit and read. Between feeding, changing diapers, constantly picking up toys, cleaning and laundry, I'm pretty busy. So I decided that I am going to make time for myself everyday doing something I like. Of course I am limited considering I constantly have a house full of kids, so reading is the easiest and obvious choice. I have compiled a list of books that I would like to read this year. I am starting with Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin. Here is the list I would also like to read this year:

  • Something Borrowed - Emily Griffin
  • Something Blue- Emily Griffin
  • One Day- David Nicholls
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn- Betty Smith
  • The Glass Castle - Jeanette Walls
  • The Boy in The Stripped Pajamas
  • Revolutionary Road
  • Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
  • The Life of Pi by Yann Martel
  • Heart Sick- Chelsea Cain
  • Baby Proof- Emily Griffin
  • Love , Lust & Faking it- Jenny McCarthy
  • Heart of The Matter - Emily Griffin
As you see there are on 13 books on the list so if you have any suggestions for me please let me know. Also I would love it if anyone wanted to join me in this challenge. You can read whatever books you like because obviously everyone has different taste in books. Just grab my tag and write out your list, then let me know! Happy reading! :)


Tuesday, January 11, 2011


At this very moment it is 11:11 on 1/11/11. How cool is that? Well I think it's pretty darn cool.  Today must have been my lucky day, I got my motivation back. Since I have come back from visiting my mother in law, I haven't been able to muster up a single drop of energy to clean my house. It was pretty disgusting. I had baskets of unfolded clean clothes, piles of dirty clothes....everywhere, and don't even get me started on my bathroom. ICK! So tonight I finally was able to get off of my butt and clean. Sunday night Leo helped me clean the kitchen, which by the way was also quite gross. He even mopped the floor since my back was hurting. That is a job in itself , considering we have bumpy white linoleum. Whoever had the idea of covering the kitchen in that must have been on something! It's horrible to keep clean. Anyway, my upstairs is finally clean, the laundry is put a way and the dirty clothes are sorted and in the process of being washed. Pretty productive evening if I do say so myself.

I even managed to make my famous chicken pockets for dinner. Did I mention that I also have not cooked in a week? They are my fav!

So all in all today was a pretty productive 1/11/11. Oh and it is snowing like crazy right now, our first real snow fall of the year!

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Heartache No One Sees

I've decided to write what is on my heart tonight, instead of the generic posts I usually write. I may change my mind and delete it, and I probably wont post it to fb because I am slightly embarrassed about it. It's something I never talk about but often cry about. So what is it that is secretly breaking my heart that I am embarrassed about? I want another baby.  

When I was pregnant with Alanna we struggled with the decision to have a tubal after she was born. This would be my 3rd c-section and the doctor said it may be dangerous for me to carry another baby after her. Ultimately, we decided not to tie my tubes and it was even discussed with the doctor before I went in for my surgery. While I was on the table the doctor told me she recommended a tubal. Of course being out of it I agreed. Only to be heart broken afterward. She pushed the tubal my whole pregnancy, so I can't help but think that she just wanted me to do it. But that's probably an over reaction. Either way, I don't feel like i was in the right mind to make a decision that life changing.

So here I am longing for another child and yet no one understands. Everyone thinks I'm crazy because I already have 3, why should I want another one. Truth is I have always wanted a big family. Growing up it was just my mom, dad, my sister and I. My older brother is so much older then me and he wasn't around that often. We didn't have a lot of cousins, at least that we talked too. So for holidays it was just us and my Aunt Maggie. That's it. I always dreamed of tons of people coming over, spending time together, and most of all I wanted a lot of  kids. And yes, please don't get me wrong, I feel truly blessed beyond an measure, but I don't feel.....complete. I have 3 beautiful, amazing, awesome children and I love them more then anything but I still have  an emptiness that I can't begin to explain. I have always wanted 4 kids, ever since I was young. I know I sound crazy but it's hard. Most people who have a tubal make that decision. Mine was taken away from me. I didn't have the choice. That choice was made for me. It hurts. It's hard. It's an everyday struggle.

I blame myself for the fact that Leo will only have 1 biological child. He is wonderful with Madison and Caden, and has never treated them any different then Alanna, but there is still that fact that she is his only. He has been a wonderful father to my children from day 1and has always expressed that he wanted a lot of kids. But I can't give him that. The truth is no one understands my situation, everyone thinks I'm nuts. But I am longing to have another baby. I long to feel that kick again, that wonderful feeling that no one but you can feel. I think about it everyday, everyday it is in the back of my mind. There are days that it is the only thing I can think about. Every time I see a friend announce a pregnancy, or post a pic of their new baby, it cuts a little more. It's hard to deal with. Sometimes I lay in bed a cry.

Everyday I watch my babies get a little older, especially Alanna. And everyday I realize that I will never go through that again. Maybe I am over reacting. I know I need to get over it, yet I am consumed with the constant thought of it. I guess like everything, there is what you will call a grieving process. Maybe this is part of mine. Maybe this is the first step to moving on. All I can do is keep praying about it, and I guess that's what I will keep doing.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sunday Football

Around here football is a BIG deal. Especially Ravens football! Every Sunday we gather together, scream, holler and cheer as we watch the Ravens game. Before Leo and I were together, I hated football. Now it's on my TV everyday...we have the NFL channel. I actually get really excited about it, now that I understand it. hah

My friend Heather and I sporting our Ravens gear

Caden in his gear

Alanna wearing her Raven
Madison has one too but she didn't wear her jersey today.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Saturday Songs

I heard this on the radio the other day and I thought this song is right on. It's fun and upbeat and I love it.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I can't say enough, how happy I am that the holidays are over. They are always so hectic, not to mention school is out and the kids are stir crazy stuck inside for those 2 weeks. But school started back yesterday and order is restored to all. The only problem now is I have no desire to cook or clean! I just can't bring myself to get up and do it. My house is still a disaster and we have been eating spaghetti and pizza for the past 2 days.

We went to my mother in laws from Thursday to Sunday and it was a nice get away, but now I'm too lazy to do anything. I have been playing The Sims 3 for the past few days and boy does it suck you in. I actually had to make myself get off of it because the kitchen needed to be cleaned up and ever inch of floor in the living room was covered in toys. What a wreck! So now I am getting ready to put the kids to bed and catch up on my DVR. I guess I should stay off of the game since I'm completely addicted lol. I just hope I gain some sort of motivation tonight or tomorrow because my house is gross and I have a ton of laundry to do. *sigh*

ETA: I meant to write this earlier when I posted but I am a total scatter brain. Leo and I discussed it and we decided not to move just yet. We think that 90 days just isn't enough time to find the house of our dreams and go through the process of buying it, plus he is having second thoughts about the commute to work. I'm a little bummed but right now I know it's best for us. It will give us another year to save money and decide and pray about where we are suppose to be.