I'm sitting here at a loss for words. Tears continuing to stream down my face. My stomach is sick, and my heart is broken. I can't seem to tear myself away from the media. I need to know what is going on. I need to understand why. I guess in my head I am waiting for the reason. I just can't comprehend it all. With the history of tragedy's that have effected our country, aside from 9/11, I think this one has hit me the hardest. As a mom and as a human being. I keep thinking of those 20 little children, scared ,screaming and unaware of what is about to happen. And then the tears start flowing again, when I think of my own children. That could have been us.
This morning, those little children woke up, excited for school. Excited for Christmas coming. Excited about Santa. Those little ones packed their book bags, kissed their parents and went into school. A safe place. This morning parents packed their lunches, hurried to pack up their bags, find their shoes, brush their hair and kissed them goodbye as they dropped them off to a place that you expect that your babies will be safe. And in the blink of an eye their entire worlds crashed down. You never expect it to happen to you, I would never in a million years think something like this could happen...and then it does. How do you recover from this? As a nation we have been so deeply effected, as a parent even more so. So many of us with small children of our own. Caden is 5. He is a Kindergartner. He is the same age as most of those little ones. The thought is gut wrenching and sickening to think just how easy that could have been us. How do we get through this? How will we ever feel safe sending our children to school again? It took every ounce of my being not to go pick my children up from school. I have been crying all day and I held my children a little tighter tonight as I am sure the rest of this nation has. How quickly our world can change!
As a Christian, the first thing I did when I heard the news was pray. It really is the only thing I could do. I was sitting in traffic, on my way home from work, in tears and crying out to God. WHY? I don't understand. Why would He allow all of those precious little children be viciously murdered? And to be honest I didn't get an answer. I probably never will but I still have faith. Otherwise what is left? We live in a horrible, broken, ugly world. And in all of the darkness He is the light. We have to lean on Him for peace. Though we may not understand it, He is here. Through all of the brokenness, He is here.
So tonight, as I am glued to the endless media coverage of this terrible tragedy, I snuggled my babies a little tighter, held them a little longer, and prayed. I pray for peace, I pray for comfort, and I thankful for my children. Things like this puts life into perspective, we hustle and bustle around. Especially this time of the year. We complain when our kids are whiny, or getting into trouble, we often look forward to bedtime (I am guilty of this too.) But what we can take away from all of this is to slow down. Enjoy life. Enjoy your children. Make every moment count. Be there in every moment. The little things matter the most. The random hugs, the kisses goodbye, the little pictures from your kids, and the I Love You's. You don't know what tomorrow may hold so make today count!
Many prayers go out to those who are effected by the horrific event. I pray for peace that passes all understanding and an overwhelming comfort to everyone.
